2023 - Work recap

Here’s a small feature on some projects I’ve worked on over the past year or so - festivals have come and gone and here are some I’m particularly proud of, highlighting some great teams I’ve bundled up with on the conveyorbelt that is 2023, as weve slid through the strikes in the UK.

FEMME - 2nd Assistant Director
Femme began the year premiering at the Berlin International Film Fest in Feb - and recently emerged from BIFA with 11 nominations - ready for its worldwide releae on 1st December. Shot last summer in London, a true highlight.

If You’re Happy - 1st Assistant Director
I’ve spent the year firsting between longer jobs - If You’re Happy was the first of 2023, amongst an incredibly assembled team, directed by Phoebe Arnstein and Produced by Sophia Gibber and Scarlett Barclay, who I’ve paired up with a few times. The incredible cast led by Erin Doherty and Jo Hartley, both of which I admire are a treat for the senses - in this audio visual exploration into this thing called Motherhood. The film has garnered attention at the recent Aesthetica, as well as a curated event with the upcoming Minute Shorts at The Rio.

Ceres - 2nd Assistant Director
Ceres was shot in Norfolk last year, and has recently been doing the festival rounds. A mostly female crew focussing on mothers and daughters - fronted by Juliet Stevenson and Hannah Morrish.

Seize Them! - 2nd Assistant Director
A medieval comedy you say? We shot Seize Them in Wales last year - its release under wraps for now, but worth a mention - this was my second feature in what became a twin home in the South of Wales. This is very much a road movie (on foot!) for our mega protagonists - Aimee Lou Wood, Nick Frost, Lolly Adefope, Jessica Hynes & Nicola Coughlan. Ran by an ace AD team - from beach to the hills in all terrain.

Grace Series 4 - 2nd Assistant Director
Ive spent most of the year in Brighton on this one shooting 4 feature length episodes for ITV. The show is a long running show with key returning cast. The series runs like a family tradition, in and around Brighton, based on the books by Mr Peter James. You can’t beat Brighton in the summer

The Digital Divide - 1st Assistant Director
Created by Right To Roam films for The Guardian - The Digital Divide explores the world through the lens of modern disconnection, shot in a docu-drama hybrid by Right To Roam ‘makers Joya and Lucy. Shot over a couple of days in London, piecing together the voices that make the project. Released now, also gained a feature at Aesthetica.

LOOKOUT x UNSEEN

The curse of the instagram grid has made me realise how much content is stored away unseen. My background in film has built a fairly strict rein on overshooting a scenario, but I’m still a heavy scrapbooker and get a buzz from the narrative of a scene when I get going. I’ve dug out a selection of favourites from previous projects, aesthetically beaming with a tone I still feel strongly about. I’ll post some highlights on my socials, along with some prep-notes which explore the process.

LOOKOUT! was a collaborative series, entirely street cast, with styling by Rebekah Pledger. We shot at The Shoe Factory in Norwich on a day in December before Covid hit. Imagine the energy locked away in the months that were to follow?

LOOKOUT! Is a mixed medium concept by Emmaalouise Smith, in collaboration with Rebekah Pledger.
The portraits are heightened, exploring the importance of self, in a time of unrest. Shot whilst 36 weeks pregnant during a two day residency at The Shoe Factory, the week of the election. We’re talking youth uproar, power and revolt, taking note from the punk sensibility of a time gone by.

Featuring;
Voy Bach
Ella Chipchase
Beth Florence
Daniel Franklin
Josh Macginley
Julia Triay

Yard 22.

Looking back through the storm, shot on a lunch break back in March in the middle of chaos. Daniel is our leading man, from Kansas to Norfolk in one swift gust. But what happens to his world when we call cut?

One more for the roll.

Yard 22 : featuring Daniel Franklin (@frvnklvn) 

Grooming by Dominic Webb (@dominic_webb_)

And Styling by The Dynasty Wing (@thedynastywing)

Meet me at Big Tree

Meet me at Big Tree tells of summers gone by; long hot days, and that friend, known once, but never forgotten.

Shot on a mixed medium palette, 16mm Kodak colour, 35mil anim and digital, with an all-analogue soundscape.

Big Tree played at the beautiful Regent Street Cinema in Jan ‘20 as part of The London Short Film Festival.

View in full on Instagram TV now (Link Below)

When the party's over.

Leaving 2020 feels kind of weird, you only really have time to reflect when you stop - and I’d been so busy in the second half of the year, that the severe consequences that we as a country face going into a ‘new year’ now look terrifying. I’ve been in a bubble myself for most of the past year, playing tug-of-war within my own life whilst bringing in a new life into the world at one of the worst years in history is an event in itself. And whilst world events ticked off each month like clockwork, I found myself seeking solice in homelife, as a safeplace from the outside world, and June to December I saw very little of it.

Creatively, I’m not one for re-hashing the old, I’m a huge archiver but I rely on the buzz and need for making to keep me going more than anything. I’ve found many ways to make new work throughout the year, recently I’ve been evolving my stills storytelling by combining words with my imagery, a way of transforming my sketchbook to screen if you like. I’ve enjoyed the process of making it work this year, stripping back shoots to the bare minimum, working by hand, with what you’ve got, there’s no excuse to not-create when you have your basic tools and I’ve loved the challenge.

I’ve maintained a steady plain of creativity, returning to DIY ideals where the going got tough. Socially distanced photo-walks early on, paired with a burst of productivity in small-scale photoshoots with workmates between jobs. I’ve shot music videos, product photography for a brand I admire, a doc mini-series, and AD’d two TV series, including 12 episodes in one fat stint to underline the year. Woah.

Going back to work professionally was a feat in itself mid-way through, I’d signed onto a fairly short film job first off, skeleton crew, masked all day for the first time, and the working environment a very different place to what it once was. Fresh out of maternity leave, absolutely guilt-ridden but incredibly grateful to be working in an industry mostly shutdown. Reflecting on these early shoots, and bearing in mind the uncertainty, it was a very special time, rare in the sense that no-one had a rule book to follow, so everyone was hanging on by a thread. Friendships were absolutely made in these weeks, and creativity only ramped up from there. Between jobs I maintained my working bubble and collaborated on personal projects. My best advice for artists living through these times is to bubble-up wisely; whats a photographer without a sitter?

I can’t thank the guys I was working with enough, we all kept eachother afloat at times, and we just knew we were onto something special. During days off we’d pile our resources together, there was myself behind the lens, Dominic Webb pulling the costume strings in his warehouse of dreams, Dan Franklin bringing his designers eye out for a spin, (playing at model and dresser all in one), and dear Voy Bach evolving in front of our eyes, making our house complete. I took a series of stills, on multiple formats and recorded some analogue video, stored away on par with the next calltime. The photographs burst with stories, colour, and sunlight, we had everything at our fingertips. I remember getting an hour into one day and thinking out loud at how this was my perfect working day, baby at my ankles, and covid at bay, nothing would stop the mood.

The beginning of summer was a real sweet-spot both personally and creatively. I really enjoyed the essence of lockdown 1 (once the panic was over) what a time to be an adult? Shelter-giver to the young ones was my role as key worker, and it was an amazing experience. I think I’ve gone through the most fulfilling time as a parent during this time - and it’ll never happen again. But two lockdowns since, and it’s a very different space. Were living the same lie, walking the balance beam just as we were all those months ago, but the footfall on the street outside our window is a very different one.

I’ve been incredibly lucky to work a job I love throughout the second lockdown right through until Christmas. Without much of a break, no time to stop, I simply kept my head down, aiming for the New Year as a benchmark for change. And when it hits, like most of us, and very little lifts in terms of national spirits, the underlying issue still as prominent as it once was, what are we to do? It makes you feel uneasy, the threat of danger creeping ever so closer to your home, silently speaking. The problem with the British general public is, that we’ve been pre-conditioned that nothing gets in the way of Christmas, not even a pandemic. Something to celebrate, or time to hit the drawing board?

Looking back at my Foto Diary from the year, and there’s portraits I’d developed at home, Sonny at the helm in many, OUTSIDE/INSIDE is one of my favourite photographic achievements of the timeline, the story encapsulates it all; the eyes of a child, there’s nothing stronger. And looking over my shots with The Dynasty Wing, there’s a stillness to some of them, a mood change every now and then, something creeping in. I couldn’t quite put a handle on it at the time, but New Years Eve, locked away again, and I felt the buzz of make and do, as I get every now and then. A need to create. I dug out the video 8 footage and summoned Brandon’s ear for sound - he recorded the audio on a tapedeck and between us we mustered up the below cut in a couple of hours, (complete with hand-written titles!).

“I’m going to release it at midnight.”

And as the countdown began, watching the edit, it all made sense, it seemed to round up what had come and gone. I’m so bored of the government’s short term panic strategy, I’m reeling at the chance that this year will bring real change. Here’s to family and friendships, and time to brew.

So long 2020!

When the party's over. A short edit to mark the end of an extraordinary year.

Shot and Cut by Emmaalouise Smith
Featuring Dan Franklin and Voy Bach
Makeup and Grooming by Dominic Webb
Sound by Brandon Jacobs
Styling provided by The Dynasty Wing

SORROW'S GOLDEN

Summer is nearly over, and looking back over August during this weekend full of rain, I’m able to piece together the process of a recent project; Sorrow’s Golden, which was released yesterday by UK artist Leo Lore. The idea was brewing for a little while, whilst the collaboration was taking shape. Shot and cut by myself, produced by Ella Chipchase and designed by Daniel Franklin, we always knew we wanted to go all out on the creative side of things, to counteract the year gone by.

The shoot was always brewing with an exterior location for me, we recce’d a number of places around Norfolk, ranging from the countryside to coastal spaces. The team and I took part in frequent Zoom calls (the standard production meet of choice throughout lockdown) and fine tuned our ideas. We were to follow a feeling, create an atmosphere, to expand upon the music video format as much as possible. I was so keen to load the car up, and get shooting and the shoot day felt like such a release, culmunating in the final edit a couple of weeks later.

We reached Loc a little after sunrise, and setup our workspace and kit for an hour or so before our artist arrived. We knew Saturday shooting during a heatwave, beside a beach would provide it’s own workflow issues, but by the end of the day, covered in sand-and-sunburn, we knew we had it in the bag.

Low-budget and the lingering pandemic meant we shot with a skeleton crew, it was very much all hands on deck. I directed and shot myself, whilst Dan designed the ever-changing set-space around me. We achieved multiple setups, and allowed our attention to detail thrive. Having spent a bit of time in prep together, on styling hauls and mood-board extravaganzas, I felt we’d nailed the atmosphere intended. Colour is always a huge part of the design process for me, and it was an extremely positive experience having Daniel onboard, really pushing our warm, European summer palatte to the max.

Sorrow’s Golden is a visual poem, each setup like a picture postcard. From a DOP point of view, I wanted to blend mediums, mix up formats and incorporate stills within the cut. Photography is very much part of my moving image process, and although it’s not too conventional, I often include still life, through animation in my work, and this was no different. The juxtaposition excites me, just as much as the video questions the mood itself; is this a dream or is this a nightmare?

The piece draws from memory and nostalgia, film itself a recurring reference. The video presents a collage of visuals, I worked in an extremely hands on way with the camera, in order to immerse the viewer, and create a sensorial picture that expands upon the traditonal performance piece.

Although we play with abstraction, there is a narrative here, almost dreamlike, drawing from a conceptual mindset. Low angles, looking up to a blue sky, with flowing shirts and grass blowing in the wind. The piece aims to be motion-driven, slow-paced and light. The warm colour palette is key, and essential to the landscape, drawing from the natural tones, complimenting without being overbearing.

Leo Lore - Sorrow’s Golden is available to stream in full now. See the video on Youtube (link below)

Directed by Emmaalouise Smith
Produced by Ella Chipchase
Art Direction by Daniel Franklin
Costume supplied by The Dynasty Wing
Written & Performed by Leo Lore
Guitars & Keys by Freya Roy
Produced by Mikey Shaw

OUTSIDE/INSIDE

Photographer’s have taken their work many ways during the lockdown period, making new or even using the time to rework the old; I’ve seen street photography, doorstep portraits, and self-portraits aplenty. Along with documenting my everyday through my ongoing foto-diary, full of family scenes, Ivy’s development and PE with Joe, I’d felt very early on that I needed an outlet to explore how I was feeling. I wanted to immerse myself in my work in a new way, whilst adhering to what’s going on in the world. Having seen very few people for such a long duration, which quickly turned into months, I soon realised, this pandemic would take it’s toll on people’s health in more ways than the advertised symptoms. You’re talking a whole world of individuals going through the motions, as societies or whatever community you find yourself in adjust to what keeps being coined as ‘the new normal’. Nothing’s normal anymore.

I’m quite an outdoors person, I get cabin fever very easily. My calendar soon fills with dreams of daytrips, and photo-walks, but 2020 hits, and all of a sudden im chained down to the small radius of my home, with two small children, one barely out of the scarred womb, as a constant reminder of recent trauma. Like a lot of people, I think I started to yearn for the outdoors, sunlight, earth and growth, and planting sunflowers wasn’t enough… Through mixed emotions I felt like capturing family life through the lens, conjuring up the fear and anxieties I think I felt early on with Covid. From these thoughts merged a new project, and OUTSIDE/INSIDE was born.

This series of images, features my Son as my muse quite heavily. Through the child’s eye, I focussed my attention. Shot with still life in mind, I wanted to expand upon the simple interaction between sitter and photographer. Almost animal-cub in some, I wanted to release the wild inside my home, shelter, habitat… My idea of home-life changed a lot throughout lockdown, sometimes it gave solace, a place to hide away from the troubles of the outside world, warding off the terrors outside the front door. I feel very differently about the pandemic having gone through it, I feel targeted by the media, I see children around the country left to rot, as pubs and primark opens, their parks and open spaces are still out of bounds, locked away.

These are my lockdown portraits, narrative and artistic in fine form. They were made, and created from recurring thoughts and nightmares. They were entirely consensual, Sonny and I spoke in depth about what I wanted to achieve, and the look in his eyes as time went on says more than any blog post I could attempt.

There is a clinical feel to some of the images, some of them uncomfortable, almost unbearable to view. I played with a variety of light sources, varying times of the day, and as time passed, I often returned to the idea. The innocent child, bound by plastic, forced to breathe in the ‘good air’. Just Breathe, I kept repeating, in my head. As each week passed and my shutter blinked, open and shut.

Behind the lens...

At almost three months into these strange isolated times, I’m finding myself to-ing and fro-ing with where I wish to be, in both mindset and physical space. The past month has seen a distinct decline in home school ettiquette; Sonn’s mood and our productivity in routine has plateaud right at the moment the school’s began offering scheduled video lessons… My subconscious screamed at me somewhere down the line, I began wondering why I was reacting in revolt to being handed help and learning support? I think it’s because, I’d rather energies were directed into the not-so-distant future, where the hint of normality might be able to return? We need a set plan of action to get the kids back to their beloved school-lives (whether they want to admit it or not!), instead of the system suddenly advancing in lonesome, contactfree technologies… It’s great these things are available, Sonn’s been taking part in weekly Zoom meetings with The Cubs, and frequently talks to his teacher over the phone, but that’s no way for an overly-active eight year old to live, and it’s starting to hit home hard.

And with no end in sight, it’s my job, as mother, whilst simultaneously trying-to-get-back-to-work like no time has passed, to pull something out of the bag. It had become apparent to me that Sonny needed a little space to get his own head in a place for productivity, I can’t say we’ve found the right balance, yet, but were motoring on all the same. Focusing on areas of creativity, more than a set pen and paper routine seems to do the trick. We learnt the cup challenge in under an hour while Ivy slept one afternoon, and it was one of the most rewarding achievements of the lockdown show so far. The forementioned Cubs meets’ have been great at maintaining a strong head for the kids, although simple, the Zoom meetings are filled with activities, experiments and FUN- that definitely sways the mood for an hour each week, there’s a sense of determination to strive for, the all-important aim were deeply lacking in quarantine.

Talking to others, and it quickly became apparent, this shared unrested headspace, spreading faster than the virus itself. Widespread, the need for escapism, whilst being cooped up inside. I yearned to get out and about, to look through the lens again, and this is where friendships quickly came in. I’d spoken to Dan throughout lockdown, we’d worked together a number of times throughout the year previous. Corona has erupted right at the crescendo of his last degree term. Along with his peers, and many of my third year and MA friends, he’s seeing the most important part of his course, from the four walls of his home, instead of slap bang in the height of motivation, that last push. I feel for all of these guys, as well as anyone in the education system at present, seemingly in limbo more than the rest of us.

Dan had modeled for me before and lives locally, so became the perfect excuse to get out of the house and shoot. And with no real aim, other than a colour-palette or two, we set out to find a mix between natural space and a concrete backdrop. The first shot captured was a landscape-portrait centralised around Vinegar Pond, over on Mousehold. I’d only learned of it’s name since, and think it’s really cool, like the sound of a meeting place, a backdrop from a cool teen flick from my younger days. Vinegar Pond, with it’s burnt out facade and empty, otherworldly quality expanded upon the closed-eyed expression we went with. I’d watched Devs a few weeks before, and it reminded me of that.

Dan’s background in self-styled modeling works well en route to a photo-walk. We’d often pick out found backdrops, a pop of colour on a garage, industrial emptiness, and a photo-worthy estate screaming with my ongoing study of the beauty in decay, and he’d just step in and get the job done. Jacket on-jacket off? Switching out details here and there, and there’s an instantaneous photo-story built out of a catchup between friends. We must’ve only been shooting for an hour or so, and the final selection is built of 33 images, narrowed down from slightly larger digi-hit rate. I don’t often over-shoot, even with digital, because I think film has reined me in over the years. I can’t tell you how good it felt to see life through the lens again in the outside world. I’ve been building a constant folio of images throughout lockdown, but it’s mainly personal stuff, or family life, wheras a photo-walk offers more of an experience, and a relationship between shooter and sitter.

Looking back, and these are some of my favourite days; off the cuff and spontaneous, and there’s definitely something in the DIY, observational-narrative I often build from a scene. There’s nothing like a spark of energy to re-light the storyteller in me.

Saturday night, at the movies....

Midway through lockdown, and I’m itching more than ever to get out there and ‘make’. Sure, I can pass the time and work from home, explore the resources I have long forgotten; cameras, boxes, backdrops… I’m keeping myself busy at least, but it’s Saturday morning, and something springs to mind whilst doing a spot of technical upkeep in my home-office. My nominated short film “Two tickets, please?” has been sitting patiently on a harddrive for at least a year now.

Set in an old rundown cinema, sadly now deceased (RIP The Hollywood), it’s become poignant now more than ever, with cinemas up and down the country closed for the foreseeable. The idea of watching my short again, stemmed such an excitement for feeling the atmosphere of a picturehouse, the smell of popcorn in the foyer, the bobbling of the worn out seats. This is the perfect time to open it up.

Two tickets has served it’s purpose (for me), so why not fire up the projector and get the film rolling? A quick upload later, and I’ve secured a 7pm Youtube premiere. I spent the afternoon re-posting a few old bits and pieces of festival promo. The film gained Official Selection at The London Short Film Festival in 2019, and bagged a nomination along the way. Re-watching it over two years later, and it’s a charming little thing really. And as The Cinema Man locks up at the end of the film, I appreciate the flaws, sketchy at times, but unabsentmindedly, it fills it’s boots with the purpose it set out to. So, tonight, I invite you on a trip to the movies; “Two tickets, please?”

The Human Brew

A photo-story reflecting my time bringing a young-one into the world (and what a time to do it). Last year was mental, and this one seem’s no different. But as it stands I’m motoring through my maternity leave, dipping in and out of the freelance world where I can. Work and home-life is such a balancing act, I see both just as important in keeping me afloat. It was no different when storming through pregnancy with a 60+ hour week of location shoots, until the time came to hand in the towel.

The working mum

Prior to the brew, the production industry has surrounded itself with equality issues (or lack of) for a number of years. Jumping headfirst into projects which would be both physically and mentally demanding meant I had to block out homelife at times, in order to simply stay afloat. Throw that into the pot with finding out your pregnant with your second child, eight years after the first and it seemed like a recipe for disaster. I instantly put up a barrier, I was terrified, and although I had the upmost backing from some of my higher colleages, who on retrospect I cannot thank enough, I just didn’t believe I could do it. I was surrounded by a solid team, but often felt isolated, like I was jumping into the unknown, taking too much of a risk. I’d dealt myself an uncertain pack of cards, in what’s become more of an uncertain time than ever. I found myself working during heatwaves, in storms, rectifying problems through Plan B’s, battled early starts / late nights, through morning sickness to walking on set, man, what a test.

At about five months in, a chance meeting with my now dear friend Rebekah, meant I’d have a birth partner for the remainder of my pregnant life. Sometimes, we cross paths with others, without reason and everything just makes sense - and meeting with ‘bekah was one of these occasions. Our due-dates were only days apart, and we both found ourselves in this almost unspoken world of the working mum. There are few paths to follow in the route of the film industry Mum. I’d google working mothers for inspiration, I don’t come from an industry background, I’m from a line of strong women, but all have very different careers to my own, if any. I wedged the image of Rachel Morrison holding an Arricam on set at eight months preggers into my mind, and told myself, if she can do it, then so can I. At least I had Rebekah; we’d share a glance in passing, and I’m massively grateful for that experience, but you’re talking about life on set where the ratio of male to female is 95% at times...

I can’t leave this segment without thanking my working producers at this time, who organised trips in range rovers to locations in order to pass a field of sheep safely (that’s VIP service right there). The underlying issue of health and safety was a frequent worry, I lost a lot of sleep over it, often asking myself if I was doing the right thing. My colleagues pushed me through what was in retrospect, quite a hard few months.

Give up or die

A month to go, and things naturally started to slow for Christmas, so my maternity leave came naturally. I had one last push with work and planned a two day shoot of my own to sign off for the year. A residency at The Shoe Factory marked the occasion. I piled every last ounce of energy I had into these days. Film and photography were my mantra. I pulled Rebekah in for a collaboration and we showed ‘em what we were made of.

Working on my own project was a release, it bookended what had been a demanding year. I’d managed to cope with doing what I could with my circumstances, I certainly wasn’t as light on my feet, frustrated at the exhaustion at times, but plodding on. Looking at the final products of these days is astounding when I think of it, the amount I shot, and the quality of the visuals is certainly a test of the times, and something to be proud of. I certainly felt like I had something to prove, to let off a final bit of creative steam before all hell were to break loose.

Merry Christmas

The day before Christmas Eve, after wrapping presents and watching Gremlins, it felt like I was essentially putting 2019 to bed (early). Little did I know that a few hours later my waters would break and the family would be extended in plenty of time for the new year, let alone a week into it. Fear instantly set in, this wasn’t supposed to happen, not now. My waters never broke with Sonny, and our planned ceserean quickly turned into an emergency one, throw Christmas songs on in the delivery theatre and let surrealism commence. This was my second C-section, I knew what to expect, which made it even worse. The midwives almost didn’t believe I was in early-labour at first, I could see the look in their eyes, just another over-reacting pregagnt woman they thought. But mum’s know best, and a single swab later and they’re prepping me for theatre.

It’s not long before the anaesthetist is running me through the procedure, handing me my life-line contract to sign, telling me about the odds of anything going wrong. Any odd is bad in my mind, I could be the 1 in whatever… They offer to wheelchair me to theatre, but I walk. It feels like walking the green mile. Im introduced to the surgical team, I remember associating them with a film crew, each having their dedicated job to do, without stepping on eachothers toes. The head surgeon wore a Wonder Woman bandana, which I thought was cool, and another was covered in tattoos, and spoke with the strongest Norfolk accent, these were normal people, normal everyday people.

Sitting in theatre, I say goodbye to the sensation of my legs as the spinal injection kicks in. Being lifted, motionless onto the metal table, the room spinning as the anasthetic does it’s magic. I’m terrified. The clock ticks, and I try to stay conscious, staring at the glowing flouries above (not too closely because the midwives warned me I might see a bit more than I’d bargained for in the reflection… I find myself settling into a state of shock. What had I done? My mind rushes, going through every detail in my head, everything and nothing at all, all at the same time, while a group of doctors work behind closed curtains in front of me.

“Should we listen to some Christmas tunes?” they said. It is the season afterall, even doctors can relax with the novelty of crimbo. With each song that goes by, I wait for the arrival of my little girl. This is insane, I remember saying. Brandon and I don’t do things in halves, this would happen to us. The Christmas playlist blaring, songs flowing and time seems to drag.

Something wasn’t right, the quick procedure suddenly isn’t so choppy, my anasthetic’s wearing thin, and there’s still no sign of a baby being placed above the blue curtain in a big theatrical reveal. The tugging becomes fearce, almost unbearable. Over an hour in and I’m being put through my paces here, it turns out a stomach muscle wasn’t playing ball and an extra helping of surgery is needed, as well as the help of forceps and the surgeons full weight bearing down upon me. I remember the tugging sensation from before, but this is forceful, too much at times, and I feel useless, vulnerable, but like I need to keep it together for Brandon who’s only a few inches away, baring witness to it all. We try to see the funny side of it all, as always.

Anytime now. I remember them saying, she’s almost out. A baby’s cry is the first sign that the delivery is complete. Momentarily, the cry is the only thing I hear, blocking everything else out. The screams ringing in the clinical atmosphere. Then silence. The Pogues playing in the background.

The extra surgery caused problems, I’m left to lay upto another 45mins, while they stitch me back together, layers of damage being singed together again. The smell of burning, and I start to feel the pain. The anaesthetist applies an extra shot, like a jolt to the system, but it doesn’t last long. Pain, like I’ve never felt, I need an extra shot, maybe three in the end, it’s almost unbearable to think about. It’s not until I’m given the all-clear that I rest assured everything’s ok. Let recovery commence. She’s here. Seeing Ivy for the first time, felt different to seeing Sonny, the nurse held her for a moment to check her over, and I remember the moment seemingly freeze. What have I done?

What a Christmas to remember. Poor Sonny’s at my parent’s house without his ‘main present’, and I’m under extreme pressure to wee into a jug unaided three times, until the midwife will consider letting us go. Our overnight nurse is fantastic, working Christmas eve, spreading nothing but good will, and presents to all the festive newborns. I cannot thank her enough, and I don’t even know her name.

Call the Midwife

24 Hours later and I’m signed off. Walking the empty hospital corridor, the true extent to my surgery revealing itself with each step. The drive home emitted some of the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. You know in films, where someone gets shot, but theyre still alive, and being carried by another character, screaming and wincing in pain, well that’s me. Each crack in the road, shoots through my body like a lightning bolt. Keeping it together because it’s Christmas and I’m going home.

Getting back to the festivities, waiting for Sonny to return, a Christmas tree bursting with presents, and a day old baby sleeping in a carseat below, and the weight of the world hits me. Everything comes crumbling down, and I feel like I can’t cope with looking after myself, let alone a new human brew. What have I done?

Boxing day, and I’ve made it through the night, purely on paracetamol power. This is the worst I’ve probably ever felt, both mentally and physically in all my existence. To anyone that thinks a C-section is taking the easy way out, you are absolutely mistaken Sir. The midwife comes round, gives me more of a manageable schedule of painkiller intake, and I suddenly don’t feel alone. This lady, so reassuring, walking the streets of Norwich in the middle of Christmas with her Mary Poppins bag and baby-scales gives me so much reassurance.

We left the hospital with a box load of injections that either myself or Brandon have to insert, like clockwork, at the same time on the dot, each day. The thought of the dripping needle, induced so much anxiety, ontop of everything else, that I knew I woulnd’t be able to cope. Brandon rose to the task in the same way he had throughout the birth-until-now. Childbirth is still so old-fashioned, inquality flipped (for once), but I think men should be given more credit, where due. I know for a fact I wouldn’t have emerged on the other side, even a hint of the same person, were it not for him being there. On the reclining chair in the hospital ward, to home, where the struggle really began; night terrors and hallucinations filled my outlook during these early days, I wasn’t well, I was beside myself in every way.

True Blue

Being homeward bound, ticking each almost impossible day off as it comes is all I could manage. Leaving the living room whenever Red Bull Soap Box is on because it pains me to laugh, cough, or in fact, move. Happiness, and deep, sincere gratitude for everything around me, quickly turns to darkness. I stay in touch with as many people as I can, a Mum friend asks if I’ve had the blue day yet? There’s a name? An underlined title for these feelings. And I start to piece it together, trying to make sense of it all. I’m balancing on Aquarius’ scales between positive and negativity.

Too posh to push can fuck right off

Leaving the house for the first time, walking to the nearest park, with the slightest bit of sun for hope, plodding along like Mr Burns, each step feeling like a Moon-worthy in attempt. The true extent to my recovery hits me, this is going to take some time. This is so much harder than the first time round.

Good things are going to happen

Week four. Let’s do this!

Since my last post, I think for a lot of us, the reality of the situation has really started to set in. This was never going to be a two week affair. Spring is in full swing, and during this phase we’ve already had two celebrations pass us by; Mother’s Day and Easter (plus anyone unlucky enough to have a Birthday). I’ve got a nice little family unit to keep me occupied, and although, at times I’d love a bit of me-time, instead of the constant barage of “Mum?… Mum?………………..Mum?” I am really happy to have people to share this weird-ass time.

I didn’t leave the house for two weeks. Not even for exercise. PE with Joe is still going strong, 9AM pronto each weekday. And I’ve been back on the grind, nailing the treadmill as often as I can, getting back into the swing of maintaining a running routine - what a time to start you say? Well, I had to miss Run Norwich last year, so signed on as a personal aim in my C-section recovery, and even though it’s been pushed back til October, it’s feeling good just to get the miles in.

Ivy hit her 3 month milestone recently, and until her first set of immunisations - she was sleeping like a trooper. That all went out the window with her first lot of jabs, and none of us are getting much sleep. Prior to lockdown, I’d spend most of my days walking the city, seeing people (Oh the days of photo-walks and coffee!) All reminiscing aside, this meant that Ivy would sleep for a few hours a time ‘on-the-move’ - BUT NOT ANYMORE. She’ll do a good half hour at home (if you’re lucky) and it started becoming a bit of an issue. It’s meant I’ve spent a lot of these quarantined days being screamed at - until the daily exercise came calling. Leaving the house with the kids for the first time were tough first steps. I know a lot of routes around the city from road-running, so looked at a map and tried to conjure up a lap or so in a mostly HUMAN-FREE-ZONE. I didn’t want to venture too cross-country because I wanted to take Ivy in her pram (she’ll be too big for it once all this is over, so I need to make the most of it).

The first day we ventured East, walking just over a 5K lap of mousehold without venturing into the woods where a lot of people seemed to have headed. This was great because it feels like youre walking a lot further, and the winding road back into the neighbourhood is always a treat. Next we headed north, as far as Catton and back, we didn’t see too many people at all, and the good thing is, strangers have already become accustomed to this new way of life where space is a vertue. I can’t express how meaningful these walks became; an outlet, a form of escapism, even though they are streets I’ve traveled many times before. And as long as we stayed safe, I felt they were doing us the world of good. During our third and final walk before the Easter weekend, we followed the river as far as we could without bumping into other walkers. The weather is beautiful, and I remember wishing for this kind of heat and light for months…

So '“F YOU VIRUS” I’m going to enjoy this one…

The sun is shining, and if we weren’t housebound for the best part, this is one of my favourite parts of the year, and 2020 was meant to be no different. I had many plans of outdoorsy activities, I wanted to cram a lot in before a new work schedule set back in. I had a number of jobs booked in, all on the back burner at the minute, either cancelled or postponed for the time being. It’s not all bad though, on the plus side, a huge positive to this episode is being able to spend more time as a newly restored mum, and having Sonny home aswell. And although it’s tough at times, all being cooped up inside, it’s reminded me that this is a rare, if not special time, we should all be cherishing, if we have health on our side - if it weren’t for the world closing in on us from outside anyway… Researching the essentials in this time has been my approach, I won’t let myself become victim to the media’s coverage of the events. Learning of the best ways to look after ourselves and STAY SAFE / STAY HOME is the best I can do with a newborn and a minor, while Brandon still works.

Easter weekend is usually a time for family and friends, and as the sombre tone hits, and we facetime relatives, the severity to the loneliness hits home. The milestones we might be missing out on begin to appear. Society sits in a whirlpool, and I can do nothing but watch it unfurl. I feel fairly useless at times, many of my family members are key workers, and I’m the one stuck, stationary during all this. Even if I weren’t on maternity leave, my job is in lockdown-limbo, no productions are currently underway, apart from livebroadcast, so many of my colleagues are in furlough, or worse. Key workers are being pushed to their absolute limits, far succumbed of most of their job roles, and I can’t see how it’s fair? I’ve heard horror-stories of the way shop workers are being treated, it’s like people are sitting back with the cards they’ve been dealt and a new heirarchy has become the temporary norm. Well, we’re all in this together, and I feel disheartened at my fellow brothers and sisters on the frontline without the complacency of society, stockpiling themselves into oblivion.

And I’m not pidgeonholing society here, I’ve felt deeply rooted in my local neighbourhood since this began, staying in touch with other mums, being voyeur to the communal spaces of our terrace and taking hope, one rainbow at a time. Last week, we used technology once again, to boost our interaction with the streets outside, Sonny facetimed his friend, and giving him some space to chat, I could hear the yearning for friendship in the kids’ voices. It hit me, in that moment, the pressures not only placed on keyworkers, but our own children, and how their worlds have been affected just as much as ours, without even the hint of a warning. Covid-19 completely blows the excitement of a snow day out of the water! It’s important to shield your kids from the horrors in the world, but in all seriousness, the effects of the looming virus are really starting to creep into to the daily lives of these kids. Solitude is now part of their everyday, no matter how short term it may be, so stretching the rules of quarantine by utilising communication is a great way to alter their levels of wellbeing.

We moved to Norwich almost eight years ago now, hesitant in making the leap from London, but I’ve never looked back. Even in these tough times, NR3 is a great place to be, the NHS clapping echoes through the streets on a weekly basis. Without much sociaI interaction, these times can seem somewhat bleak, but I try to see the beauty in the everyday, and you don’t have to look far before you see the messages of others all around you, voices of those you may never meet. If you walk behind the back of Anglia Square, at the graffiti carpark (you can see it from the road) a giant STAY POSITIVE message-in-art jumps off the walls, courtesy of a recently discovered artist called Knapple. Sonn and I stopped for some portraits, it really drew a line under these 3 weeks gone by.

I muster the energy to bring some joy into the Easter weekend, fully aware of the external issues, but doing our best to help, by doing nothing. I bought some cheap easter eggs during my weekly shopping trip, and the egg hunt on Sunday was a quick fix, as we worked against the heat of the sun! Melted choc or none, we had a good time. And reflecting on the weeks gone by, I’ve realised the importance of boredom, of the downtime we’ve found ourselves in. Colouring, gardening… and cleaning! It’s all added to the experience of extending the home, to a schooling environment and back again, and nothing rings clearer than ‘the three marker challenge’ and a colouring book screaming GOOD THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN.

It's not all rainbows...

Wow. Week one of Home-school, ticked off. Firstly, well done, to everyone out there (I read that upto 1/5th of the world’s population have been isolating in the past few weeks, that’s a hell of a lot of people pulling their hair out in these stressful times). I have had to remind myself that I’m not the only one struggling at times. It all gets a bit much doesn’t it? First of all, I’m not one for spending a lot of time at home, I like to get out and adventure where I can. And, even with the world at my fingertips (I’m surrounded by technology) it’s easy to shutdown when times get tough.

What an achievement though, retrospectively speaking of the unexpected challenges faced. It wouldn’t be such a feat if the world weren’t falling apart outside our front door. The prospect of self-led learning, back-to-basics and parental guidance is a really pride-inducing feeling. But blocking out the external pandemonium is bloody difficult. Maneuvering around global issues, and staying strong in front of your kids when there’s so much uncertainty is a whole new ballpark. Were so adverse to these issues in our country, that it hits home extra hard. I was due to kickstart work at the beginning of April, juggling homelife and a career is something I’ve started to mentally prepare for (again). Lets say, the sleepless nights had already begin, and midway through the week I was given the news it had all been cancelled, and another for May postponed. Not to say I knew it was coming, but it was still a bit of a blow. I was mentally preparing for the motherly guilt, ready for it. And then coming to the realisation than homelife is my sole-life for the foreseeable seemed restricting, and just as much of a kick in the teeth.

As the days have gone by, I’ve realised management is key, I’ve stopped watching the news where I can, trying to distance myself with the digital onslaught I definitely felt last week. Keeping ourselves safe, and focussing on the simple aim of getting through the week has been my aim. I’m not going to lie, a couple of days in and I started to struggle big time…

It’s a battle ground, a constant fight with self-disclipline. The up-keep of constantly keeping an eight year old occupied, caring for a newborn, and ticking off a few academic boxes along the way, is hard work. I feel like I’ve been pushed in the deep-end, I think we all have. None of us could have expected this (even a fortnight ago) - no wonder I’m beginning to feel the weight of the world.

We’ve got a long way to go, who knows how long this semi-lockdown is going to last. I don’t want to dwindle on the negatives too much, but similarly, I didn’t want to overload my diary with the preppy, all-star, picture perfect scenes I’ve struggled to maintain.

A huge positive this week has been starting the day with exercise - it might sound stupid, but PE with Joe has boosted my personal struggles no end. It’s got us out of bed, dressed and ready to rock and roll each day. Sonn and I have been there, ready and waiting on our yoga mat, for this overly-energetic dude to dust all our worries under the rug. High five man. What a success (and roll on Monday!)

Spring has most definitely sprung this week, and I’ve tried moving the ‘classroom’ outside where possible. English has consisted of diary-writing (important when trying to make sense of things), spellings, and recording the weather. Whilst being in the garden, we’ve maintained our planted seeds from Monday - I cracked out a good old Photosynthesis chart and we’ll monitor the plants growth as time goes on… classic.

We’ve been crafty! What’s the point of being too strict eh? We’ve all got to live in this house together, so let’s make it bearable. I’ve tried anyway, to boost morale, wellbeing or whatever. We’ve painted ceramic pots, and spent time colouring in and chatting. The school resources were great, I often dipped in and out to get a few ideas, whilst tailoring the day’s schedule in a way I thought would work for us. Reminding Sonn that this isn’t a holiday was important. Remembering the outside world, when you’re shut inside a terraced house is enough to enduce cabin fever. I’d seen this rainbow idea popping up on local Facebook pages, and I thought it was cool so we made our own ‘bows and stuck them on the window. I’m thinking of making this a weekly thing - to record how long we’re in iso’. What a life were living, the window will be full of the bloody things.

I’ve had to dig into my childhood a few times this week, tried to muster-up some nostalgic moments for old times sake, ready to pass on to my kid. We did some tea-dying! Aka. made some top quality treasure maps. So bloody easy, but really aesthetically pleasing. It doesn’t get better than that. Having a tangible artifact to work with, is the essence of creativity, a feelgood factor for the soul - and a finished product. That’s where a little box of Lego comes in handy! Sonn isn’t usually a Lego kind of guy, but this week he really got stuck in, and VOILA you’ve got a Ferrari in your hands! Achievement.

Trying to keep a fairly wholesome lifestyle (for the time being anyway) we did some baking. Now, I’m no cook. And I proved it once again! I’m too haphazard when it comes to measuring ingredients and following a recipe- I’m far to experimental for that. We attempted soda bread, (‘cause we didn’t have any yeast). Sonn told me about some dough he made on a recent school trip to Holt Hall, and we just got stuck in whilst Ivy had a little kip. It looks alright, but tastes like crap.

“It’s alright Mum, it’s Stone Age bread!”. And he was right; it was alright, because we followed up strong with a gingerbread success story!

Brandon’s a key worker, which meant for the first half of the week I was running the ship. Sonny definitely thrived from the routine, as hard as it is to maintain, it’s so important. We’ve had ups and downs, got on eachother’s nerves many times, but it’s always going to happen. Wednesday arrives and I get B for a few days to help (thank ****). Were having a really tough time with Ivy being clingy at the moment, man can she turn up the volume when she wants to, so having an extra hand has been a godsend.

Sharing responsibility is a massive bonus, and I’m so grateful for our family unit. As I’m sitting outside writing this, Brandon’s taken Sonn for an impromptu drumming session. Having some Father-Son time works wonders, and Sonn’s extremely lucky to have all the resources I would have dreamed of as a kid - right at his fingertips - plus, his Dad’s a shit hot drummer. Hearing the little dude banging along to Supersonic is a real moment.

The sun’s out, and I’m just reeling in some free time to be honest, it’s a real juggling act all this, but something to be proud of all the same.

It’s a celebratory day all-round, Pizza-Friday, rosé in the fridge, and a week trial of Disney+… I reckon it’s just about time for Honey I shrunk the kids?

Enjoy your weekend, all.

9AM.

Not wanting to fall at the first hurdle, I dragged my ass out of bed at a reasonable time; PE with Joe was streaming at 9AM and I knew Sonn would be up way before. We got dressed, I thought twice about bothering with make-up, but even treated myself to some lippy! It sounds artificial, but I love the routine, it’s meaningful and helps kick-start the morning. Followed by coffee no.1 .

There will be few rules while were spending time together at home, but I’m going for a no-TV-during-the-day approach (Sonn’s attention span can be bloody awful so I don’t want too many distractions getting in the way of the calm vibe). So 8:45 - TV OFF!

I was kind of looking forward to this morning workout, having not been able to get out running over the last year has taken it’s toll, I went from running half marathons, to 13 hour shifts and pregnancy… to isolation! So I hoped this Joe dude would bridge the gap, and burn off some of Sonn’s energy along the way. Knowing that thousands of people were tuned in for the same reason was quite a cool feeling, the workout was knackering and we laughed a hell of a lot, roll on tomorrow and I CAN’T WAIT for Brandon’s turn later in the week!

Taking it slow with this routine is proving key to making it work, not only have I got an eight year old bounding around the place, theres also a 3 month bubba needing a lot of love. It’s not always going to work and we’ll just have to get by. Luckily, this morning, she was pretty happy watching us sliding around the floorboards trying to share a yoga-mat.

Following up the fun with some spellings and a diary entry, that’s what it’s all about for me, a record of this crazy time, and something tangible to look back on. Designing a front cover for his home learning book and trying out some new stamp pens was a hit, you couldve heard a pin drop in the silence of concentration AND I managed to drag it out til lunch, whilst tricking the bubb into having a nap at the same time. Winner.

Now, where did I leave my coffee?

The proposition of keeping kids cooped up for any period of time is daunting, space (and mess!) is an issue for many. Were lucky to have a good garden to escape into,and as the first day of spring has just passed, all we really need is a bit of warmth and we’re good to go! Having spent the weekend gardening, I feel really positive about getting outdoors. To ease us into the season, I had something hands-on planned for the afternoon; planting sunflowers!

As with most ideas I’ll be experimenting with in the upcoming weeks, the resources will be limited; recycled, or found-objects from the arty cupboard at home. Before the virus really started to hit, I did make a trip to Wilko and bought some cheap packets of seeds- Sunflowers are an all-rounder, and they are something we can return to and watch grow for the duration of the home-school period (however long it will last)! Along with a bag of compost from Poundland (you’re welcome), I also raided the garden for existing pots, all shapes and sizes, lets call them botanical bric-a-brac…

I harnessed Ivy so I could move around fairly hands-free, but I tried to let Sonn do most of the work so he felt really involved in the process. Being outside means mess isn’t really an issue, we just got stuck in and had a right laugh - Covid 19 well and truly out-of-sight-out-of-mind.

Adding an extra bit of fun; we labelled the pots with our names, and aim to track their progress with a bit of friendly competition. These little flags we’re out together with cocktail sticks and post-its! Getting extra keen, we also planted some chilli’s, mint, aster and daisies - all that’s left is a bit of photosynthesis and bob’s your uncle!

To end to ‘school-day’ we came indoors, and did a bit of computer research (good old Google). I let Sonn guide the session, and we looked up sunflower growth and images of other plants which brought us close enough to 3 o’clock that we were happy to chill out, and eat digestives for a bit. I don’t plan on writing a blog each day, but this is a great start to my (hopefully) longlasting record and keeps my own mind and photographic eye ticking, plus, if it offers anyone else an idea or two then that’s a bonus.

If anyone has any ideas or resources for future fun- get in touch! #missmum

*Search THE BODY COACH TV on Youtube for PE with Joe. Streamed LIVE each morning from 9AM.

Miss Mum

What a year. Almost twelve months ago I found out I was pregnant, having made the leap as a fulltime freelancer, work was going well enough for me to venture into self-sufficienthood. And now, a year down the line, we’re in the midst of a global pandemic. I find myself about to be locked away with not one, but two kids, eight years apart, whilst I try to maintain a solid creative mindset of my own.

At the end of ‘19 I told myself I’d earned some good, wholesome time off, to concentrate on motherhood. Second time around, it feels like a second chance to nourish a period in your life which has such a limited timespan. I’d succeeded in a working pregnancy and battled a personal demon or two along the way. Having gone through quite a traumatic birth, two weeks premature, on Christmas Eve (of all shocks to the system). 2020 owed me a break.

I’ve spent the past ten years or so building a personal vision as a filmmaker, I’m resourceful by nature and like the challenge of achieving Plan B status. Motivation comes and goes, like it does to any, but when the fire’s lit, I feel fairly unstoppable, and positivity is my encore. Over the years, my work has taught me, above all to juggle, to dip in and out of mediums, genres, and approach. Kids just add to the stew, and I find I have to just organise my time wisely. That’s not to say I don’t feel a world of stress on my shoulders when I’m trying to finalise an edit; one-handed, whilst breastfeeding, or restraining a screaming newborn…

Most of all, I’ve just learnt to stop. To manage time, and soothe the baby’s confusion one walk, one feed, or one bounce on the knee at a time.

Three months into the year and things were starting to settle. Until the world decides to premiere it’s action-movie title - COVID-19. Coronavirus has hit, bigtime. Having time off as a renewed mum, has meant I’ve seen the whole thing unfold, (on the contrary to 2019, when I lived inside whatever bubble I was employed in at the time). The morning feed has seen me gage the early warning signs of Wuhan, Italy, Spain, France, and us over here on our topsy turvy island, post-Brexit. What the hell is going on?

In the space of a couple of weeks, I’ve seen our society crumble. Boris J bumbling at the podium, Facebook heroes self-diagnosing, do-gooding and generally spreading fear. I’ve watched with one-eye open whilst I try to keep grasp of my family in our soon-to-be outgrown terraced house in Norwich city. Day by day, people are chanting WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS? The ongoing threat of home-schooling; two weeks to four months they say. Being a 24HR carer to an entirely dependent soul brings a bungee-chord of emotions at the best of times, let alone a time of such unbalance.

The country stands still, day-by-day we await instructions from those above. I look into my kid’s eyes and wonder if I’m doing the right thing in sending them to school each day. It is an anxiety-inducing worry, and the lack of guidance has meant that hysteria has set in - you can see it in people’s eyes, or on the empty shelves of bustling supermarkets. The modern-day man cannot handle a shutdown of a single day over the Christmas period, let alone a fortnight (or more) as warned. It’s been a ticking time bomb to say the least, and I thought I’d feel some sense of relief once the school closures were announced, but it’s only brought more uncertainty.

I’m sitting here an hour before the last school pick-up, feeling slightly melancholy at the fact this could be the end of something. I’ve always liked the idea of home schooling Sonny, but from a young age, it’s been apparent that his social need beats anything I can offer being his Mum. I made the effort to thank Sonn’s teacher today (there’s mutterings that this could be the last day of their school year). In an instant, her eyes welled up, revealing the heavy load she’s been baring amongst all this. The teachers have carried on against all odds this week, serving stability in the form of school-dinners.

In the space of a week, our fairly comfy streets have been hit with worldwide panic. During this timeframe i’ve found myself troubled, it wasn’t until my parental instincts kicked in (the keep calm and carry on) that I realised what an opportunity I have in front of me. Perhaps this newly forced regime, although daunting, could propose a positive change, in society as we know it. I’m beginning to brainstorm some activities we can approach during these restricted times. I’m drawing my attention back to nature, indoor excercise, and instinctual essentials.

But for now, TGIF. The time is ticking, until our own domestic walls extend to the classroom.

You may call me Miss Mum.

GET UP AND USE ME / DIVIDED

I set aside Day Two. of my residency at The Shoe Factory in December to shoot some experimental viz for brand new Norwich two-piece GET UP AND USE ME. The guys had a few demos and recordings kicking around, so I snapped up DIVIDED for the occassion and shot some moving image, followed by some stills, both med-format and 35mm.

Having shot at the factory the day before I had a good idea of how the light fell, and mentally picked out the beginnings of a shotlist in my head. Predominantly performance based (I’ve spoken about my thoughts on musicians crossing platforms into acting for promo’s in the past) with a mix of highly digi-stylised, fairly clean looking cine… finishing in a vid-8 palette I barely leave the house without when music shoots spring up.

There’s a freedom when shooting to music, the edit comes into play a hell of a lot when promo’s are concerned, but I do like to feel involved in the instrumental when shooting handheld. The entire vid is tripod free and fairly fluid (although I was 36 weeks pregnant and retrospectively not so light on my feet as I would have liked - try telling me at the time however…). Industrialism is a key theme here, the disused factory setting gave a British time-gone-by feel, so aestetically, I wanted to utilise this as much as possible (as opposed to just having a couple of dudes rocking out in a cool-looking space). The set design with the empty chairs, a focus on the stained floor and the angle upwards to the red beams all come into play here.

Colour is always important, and I wanted a clear, almost transparent tone to this one. GUAUM is made up of Brandon and Jack from Painted Heathers, who I have a long-standing working relationship with, so I wanted to approach this in a different way, and whereas PH have often gone for a darker look, with DIVIDED I pushed through to a whiter grade, in order to make any minimal colour really pop. Note the red, white and black which bounces from backdrop to costume.

I can’t go much further into the writeup without mentioning the use of the factory as setting. Industrialisation and experimental brutalist themes are brother and sister in my eyes, and I still get a bit of a kick out of using these spaces. Working on the audio-viz collab in such an acoustically fantastic space was a really standout moment, hearing Brandon drum to the empty walls was enough to experience in itself.

Norwich can be a small place at times, creatively and artistically, and I try to steer clear of used models, and settings where possible. Whereas, others flock together, I find myself often standing at the waters edge, and being offered the Shoe Fac to wrap up what had been such a busy year flipped my creative process on it’s head slightly.... The guys at St Mary’s have been massively accomodating to creatives in the past couple of years, and I was very aware of how many others had used the factory for work, but like a blank canvas, I wanted to give the space a whack, in my own way. In retrospect it’s a great way to reflect on my practise. There I was, at the bitter end of quite a full-on pregnancy, wanting to go out in a bit of a blaze!

Summers gone by...

Meet me at Big Tree will be seeing in 2020 with the London Short Film Festival. Mega happy, as I beeline for this festival almost every year because it’s my favourite of the country, so I’m massively thankful to be on the bill once again.

SHOWING AT the beautifully green Regent Street Cinema, on Jan 11th at 4:30pm.

Big Tree is a personal project, shot and cut by myself, on a mixed-medium palette of 16mm colour film (Kodak), digi 4K and some hand-made 35mm animation. I’ve had a mental year, brewing females into the world, whilst freelancing on many an AD team, aswell as getting a new film of my own off the ground. I like to have a bookend (or bookstart) to the year, something to look forward to almost, so I wanted to enter a short to tie up a few loose ends.

The film stars my son, as a younger child, and features one of his primary school friends. Shot at a local park, with a giant fallen down tree as the centre-point.

“Meet me at Big Tree tells of summers gone by; long hot days, and that friend, known once, but never forgotten.”

A personal film, a narrative, with an experimental undertone, and a buzzing audio-visual design to boot. It’s an atmosphere film at heart. Standing at just under 4 minutes duration, it’s my shortest for a few years, and hits you just where it needs to.

You can book tickets from the LSFF website, or through the Regent’s direct website at the following links. LONG LIVE SHOR FILM!

https://shortfilms.org.uk/lsff2020/events/2020-01-11-new-shorts-lo-budget-mayhem

https://www.regentstreetcinema.com/programme/new-shorts-lo-budget-mayhem-2020/

The phenomenon of challenge.

The ten year challenge intreagues the egotystical in most of us. This time round, it means much more than the ‘look how much I’ve changed’ tag, it’s the beginning of a new decade, a decade in which I’ve somehow managed to (nearly) bookend with children. So what better way to celebrate change, than to crack out the Polaroid for the occasion and recreate a 7 day old family snap with the newest recruit.

From E1 to NR3.

*Also known as, let your kid loose with a Polaroid camera.

BULLET FROM A GUN

Out this Monday; is my latest collaboration with Painted Heathers, a music promo for their current release : BULLET FROM A GUN. Following the successful release with SYMMETRY we were really keen to follow-up the vid with something just as good (there will likely be another in the near future, as a trilogy of DIY audio-viz).

BULLET FROM A GUN is just as punchy, and I wanted to give it just as much of a film kick, digging into my music video psyche, a part of experimental making I like to call the known-unknown. Altered film. Pure destruction. My most enjoyable way of working. As with Symmetry, I wanted to use a similar animated frame-rate, but needed visuals with a less abstract pallette… With the addition of my beloved colour.

Mixed in are fine-tuned beats of performance from the band. Although, BULLET gives off more of a film narrative, there’s no faux musician-turned-actor here, these are visuals torn from the memorybank of childhood. The footage and stills were shot in North Norwich, in about 45 mins on one of the last days of the summer holidays ‘19. The animation and effects were in-addition, and created in phase two of the making.

My favourite music videos are all textural, there’s a huge advantage when mixing sound and vision mediums to really blur the boundaries of the genre, and I say go for it! I used a mix of Video-8 and 35mm for the entire piece, there’s no post-prod tampering, the tracking was VJ’d to suit in camera. There’s a nostalgic overtone throughout; my Son stars, wearing his Dad’s original 90’s Umbro Spurs shirt. There is a Britishness, plenty of 90’s pop and footy culture ref’s to keep anyone going. It’s the importance of boredom that counts. Wishing your life away and watching the world go by all in one.

Painted Heathers : BULLET FROM A GUN will be released Monday 16th September.
View the FULL VIDEO from Sunday 15th A.M.

Produced by Jason Baldock at The Crunch, Norfolk

Written by Brandon Jacobs (Copyright Control) 2019

Portrait of Britain 2019

Portrait of Britain WINNER 2019!

It's Thursday 29th August '19 and I'm very happy to announce that I've been selected to appear in this years Portrait of Britain, created by the British Journal of Photography. Not only that, but I've been announced as one of the final winning photographers with images also appearing in the screen-exhibition taking place around the country throughout September.

The full selection of images have been published in a beautiful book by Hoxton Mini Press.

In a time of worldwide unrest, I choose not to dig into the political climate as such. I place my own focus on the world I see crumbling in front of me. Alongside a study into the beauty in decay, I place an observational approach to storytelling. The study has led me to produce a short film “Two tickets, please?” which gained official selection at The London Short Film Festival this year. I continue to delve into the decaying world, through my own Foto-Diary and long-standing focus on the changing British landscape.

My sitter is Simon Pritchard, I've worked with Simon many times over the past couple of years.

Simon is ‘The Cinema Man’. Here he sits, in a (now empty) projection room of an independent cinema called 'The Hollywood'. In a time where popular culture is changing in front of our eyes, movie theatres are disappearing thick and fast, Simon sits and waits for his movie to start.

He lives by the movies which inspired him from a young age. Now painting film-posters for a living, he’s very much inspired by the screen-stars of a time gone by. You can view Simon's work on any social media format, under the name Artbeat.

See the shortlist and winners at the following link: http://gallery.portraitofbritain.uk/

Special thanks to the BJP, and 1854 for your encouragement, and of course to Simon himself, for without whom I wouldn't have captured the snapshot that stares right back at you.

www.ByEmmaalouise.com

instagram.com/emmaalouisesmith

Contact: emmaalouise@hotmail.co.uk

Hideout.

There are certain landscapes that stick with you, places you've visited, or been drawn to. 11 Years ago I worked on a documentary film which was shot in this baron landscape right on the edge of the kent coastline, it was Dungeness that I've spent years since, thinking about, visiting, documenting myself. Since that Documentary, I've shot a short film of my own; 'And yet, they still look to the sky...' starring Princess Julia, and created in a single day, out of season in 2011, quite a few months pregnant, I pulled a skeleton crew together, all females, and we drove from the East End to the edge of the world and shot a mixed medium palette of 35mm and Super 8mm Kodak Colour, of which I then worked on from home, starting with the degrading and hand-processesing I'd become accustomed to, with the addition of some 16mm animation. The film became a video-poem almost, less poetic and more of a message of outreach, I remember studying the feeling of loneliness and personal belonging, and Dungeness embodied all these things. The film went on to play the London Short Film Festival and many short film events in the capital throughout the past ten years.

Time goes on, and moving to Norfolk meant I hadn't visited for a number of years, I'd almost ruled a line beneath the place, it had been done. It wasn't until my birthday this year, a big one, (it's been a pretty big year in many ways), and I hadn't really planned anything. It's a good job Brandon can sense my incoming regret and booked something in advance... a surprise of sorts. Driving further and further south; Brighton maybe? I like Brighton. And then a few hours in I spot Dover, Folkestone... Romney! “WE'RE GOING TO DUNGENESS!”

“I might need to order some more film.”

Instant excitement, and all these projects and thoughts of the past came flooded back with a new visit. 11 years since my first, a diary of images over-flowing, so I was keen to visit with the boys and spend a few days exploring, and finding spots I hadn't seen before. I wanted to pack fairly light, but any planned trip is met with the bane of my life – kit packing and format decisions. I narrowed it down to the following;

1x Video 8 (for moving image of course). 1 tape.

1x Medium Format. Sq format. 8 rolls. 2 BW. (I shot about 4 1/2)

1x Polaroid. 600 Colour Film. No occasion is complete without a Polaroid.

1x Fuji Instax. A few rolls of colour, I see these as pure snaps, nothing to worry about kind of pics.

1x Fujifilm XT3. 3 lenses and a bunch of cards.

Dungeness gives the opportunity of looking great no matter the weather, as good gloomy and windswept as it does in the bright heights of summer. There's the usual tourist spots, unfortunately Derek Jarman's is on that list. I heard a lady in the lighthouse say she NEEDED to see the garden of the famous artist, but she didn't know his name, and there are many distinct gardens and art-sheds along the main route. This time round I was keen to snap the details, the sea lettuce, these strange habitat pods covering the shingle. I spent a lot of time at ground level (when the 169 steps of the Old Lighthouse weren't calling).

The XT3 gave a great opportunity of going wide. I was caught up with capturing the moving portrait, giving action in the still image. You'll see a lot of intentional blur, walking, the hint of motion for effect. The twin lens Mamiya is my go-to when it comes to depth, I shot a lot of detailed foreground / or alternate backgrounds in squares, particularly playing with the alien, the unusual, with the hint of situated truth somewhere in the image (a blurred silhouette of the lookout tower or power plant) to bring you back to earth.

Individually, all these images work. But it's not until I return home, and look at it all as a collection. (Along with the moving image) it all makes sense, and truly documents the trip. Instax layouts, Polaroid scans and prints all count...

Not much changes in Dungeness, and I hope the same paths are woven into the shingle in another 11 years time. Follow my Foto-Diary.