The Beauty in Decay

With deadlines fast approaching, I'm finding myself becoming more and more reflective of the past few years. I'm coming to the end of my studies on a Masters degree in film and finding I'm really coming to terms with my personal style, and constantly questioning what it is I'm making. My Foto-Diary is a personal project, a collection of my everyday, it's not something I feel the need to explore, it is there, and it probably always will be. But film-making to me, is an entirely different entity, it uses all of my energy, all at once, sometimes in great confusion, until I hit that perfect moment of upmost excitement where I'm happy with the outcome. Whereas, photography, is almost instantly gratifying, a short term release, easy to overcome, I shoot and I move on. Film-making, takes time.

I prepared and underwent a group presentation last week. Presentations, talking, explaining myself in general used to be a product of fear for me, for many years. Now, I barely bat an eyelid at the prospect. It's not that I'm overly confident (far from it), but I've got to the point in my academic life where I think, if I can't relay information I think about most times of the day, in some kind of empassioned coherence, then what am I doing? Swallow it, and work with the fear. I like to test myself anyway. I don't even use notes, or prompts anymore. Suzie said it's like watching a jazz player, like she feels for the speaker, because at any moment they could crumble and fall. And I guess it is kind of like that.

THE BEAUTY IN DECAY is my focus. My study-point for the last two years. With a particular stance in the themes of memory and nostalgia in contemporary film and photography. It encapsulates everything I aspire to, down to my walk to work, to my favourite film, I am drawn to the cracks in the pavement... these degraded anomalies are where my attention really lies...


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